I Made a Trump Astrology Twitter Bot, and It’s Scaring Me How Funny and Accurate It Is

Mother Jones illustration; Ron Sachs/CNP via Zuma, Andy Holmes/Unsplash, Reign Abarintos/Unsplash

For indispensable reporting on the coronavirus crisis and more, subscribe to Mother Jones’ newsletters.Donald Trump is a man of conflict and contradiction—a Gemini with a Leo Rising and a Sagittarius Moon, to be precise. I have no idea what that means but, according to Cosmopolitan, Geminis are meant to be “fast, witty and super into communications.” Insider is blunter: Geminis are two-faced liars and poor listeners who constantly repeat themselves.
Can astrology decode the day-to-day behavior of our Gemini-in-chief? No, of course it can’t, but I’ve made a Trump horoscope Twitter bot anyway because why the hell not. Follow along: @trumpstrology.
Here’s what I did: I coded a bot that tweets Gemini horoscopes from an open-source dataset, paired alongside a top-trending news story of the day. 

Trump’s horoscope today:
✨ MAR 10 ✨ Don’t worry if you find it hard to put your thoughts into words today because once Mercury moves into your sign at the weekend your communication skills will bloom. 🌟
Probably explains this story: https://t.co/O99GSz23MN
— trumpstrology (@trumpstrology) March 10, 2020

Over the past few weeks, I let my little bot run autonomously behind a locked account while I finessed the code. Since late December, it’s been ingesting viral news articles and matching horoscopes in an attempt to explain all sorts of things: Trump’s bizarre impeachment-acquittal speech, his dismissals of the coronavirus emergency, his hatred of energy-efficient light bulbs.

Trump’s horoscope today:
✨ FEB 06 ✨ What you say over the next 24 hours may come as a shock to some people but those who know you better will have seen it coming a long way off.
Probably explains this story: https://t.co/1UHI7A9CVc
— trumpstrology (@trumpstrology) February 6, 2020

Trump’s horoscope today:
✨ FEB 16 ✨ Be yourself and allow the creative side of your nature to shine through. 🌗
Probably explains this story: https://t.co/fDoOeB1uSC
— trumpstrology (@trumpstrology) February 16, 2020

Trump’s horoscope today:
✨ MAR 08 ✨ You are going to have to make a difficult choice and what you decide will affect your life for months, maybe years, to come. 🌙
Probably explains this story: https://t.co/r29277C0vy
— trumpstrology (@trumpstrology) March 8, 2020

Some of the @trumpstrology horoscopes track alongside real-life events with supernatural perfection. Many other pairings are so-so. And then you get the misfires. To find their meaning, it takes a bit of work to stitch together some dissonant data points—which often reveal the most poignant prophecies. (Just like astrology itself!)
Yet each one of those misfires serves as a reminder—that summoning the infinite power of the cosmos can still be insufficient to explain whatever the hell our president is doing half the time.

Trump’s horoscope today:
✨ MAR 16 ✨ There is no point trying to make sense of what’s going on. ☄️
Probably explains this story: https://t.co/PgyqxTfcCG
— trumpstrology (@trumpstrology) March 16, 2020

To see what the stars—and Trump—will bring tomorrow, follow @trumpstrology on Twitter.